what an interesting day so far... and I am not sarcastic (at least this time)

I think I should start this entry by analyzing my financial situation. Although I tried to cut most of my spending, I still have some problems with the use of my credit card and how that's going to affect my brothers credit.

In a more positive view, I have been driving around the Hyundai for two weeks! I can't really complain about that little car: so far it has a decent gas mileage and the A/C works fantastic. It took me a while to get use to it (4 cylinders compare to the powerful V6 of the Corsica), but I'm almost there.

So far I have spend $65 in a new fender and $75 in a new muffler. I am still missing the hood ($101), new engine supporters (2 x $50) and 2 new window motors (I am hoping to find them below $50). In total, with $300 more that car would be ready to rock and roll.

The Corsica is still parked in the house, and apparently the add that I posted in Craiglist is working. So far I have received emails from at least 4 people that are willing to buy the car. I feel kind of sad that I have to sell it (particularly because it was my first car), but live goes on and so both of us have to part ways. The only mechanical problem that it has it has to do with the radiator... something that I'm sure is not that expensive.

Tomorrow I am going to have fun with my friends. Karaoke is one of the few things that I really enjoy, even though my voice is horrible (can't understand how people say that I sound like a girl on the phone... I sound horrible in a mic). My car is not ready, but at least I will clean it up a little bit and I am ready to go.

Elisa just replied me, and she didn't say anything that was worth posting. I guess she still doesn't have a clue of what's going around.

Tomorrow I am also going to be (hopefully) in the company of Kaori. I am still a little bit confused about my feelings for her, and I am not sure if I should carry on in that sense. I guess that at this point is more important to look for an answer to that question before making any type of move. I have to, for the sake of friendship

MySpace... is one of those websites that once in a while I visit just to make sure that everything is ok and that my friends are fine. However, once in while I get to see things that perhaps I shouldn't have or read things that were better for me to not know about them.

And this time, it has to do with a certain someone. It was kind of frustrating to see that this friend was talking with someone that just happened to drop a couple of lines in a picture of her on that freaking site. Even though I tried to be more open and to talk more with her... there is still something between us that does not allow us to have a reasonable conversation (at least on the net).

Perhaps is because I am not Asian? XD I really never though about that until today.

Ohh well. Lets see what happens. So far I managed to talk with Pamela about a lot of things (Once again I feel like an idiot...) There is no other way to explain this whole mess without pointing out the fact that it was mostly my fault. I wasted almost 4 months of my life thinking that she hated me or ignored me while on the other hand I was doing exactly the same thing to her without even giving her the chance of explaining those things.

Guess I just have to move on and learn from my mistakes (once again)

Well, it looks like another semester is about to start.... and there is still a couple of things that bother me.

My brother is about to go back to Georgia once again, along with my friends Manolo and Sebastian. GeorgiaTech is not an easy place to study, so they will have another difficult semester to go... and in the case of Sebastian, earning a masters is going to be even more challenging.

Italo is about to start High School in the same place where my brother and I graduated: Miami Coral Park Senior High.

Today was my last day working in the Miami Dade College - Kendall Campus... and I still can't believe how fast those two and a half years had gone so fast.

The good thing is that I might be able to sleep a little bit more in the mornings; another one is the fact that I am not going to have to wake up that early every single tuesday and thursday to open the department.

On the negative side, I am not going to be able to have all of the privileges (such as free school supplies or access to certain parts of MDC's network) that my job offered or socializing with people as much as I use to do.

It was in that place where I meet Elisa, Paz, Alex, Gabriel and so many other that have definitely left their mark in my life. Good people that (now a days) are difficult to find.

The only thing left to do is to cheer all those memories. Life goes on... and so I must keep on walking. :)

I can't believe it! Every time that I try to keep this thing updated there is always something that prevents me to do so.... >__<

Can't really say that I do my best with that task, but at least I am aware that this web exists and that I should be more concerned about updating it.

Nevertheless, I got a laptop! XD

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about my future. I realized that I am scared, and that part of my is afraid of starting a new life in a new place. I am still waiting the letter from Georgetown University, and I have mixed feelings about that once again.

The opportunity of studying in a prestigious university is once again so close and yet far away from me. Only a piece of paper that will arrieve through the mail will determine if another door is closed or open, and if I am ready to accept that challenge.

Today, I received a letter.

Columbia University rejected my application to start Fall (August 2008) in their institution.

Its hard to describe how I felt when I read those words. I was relieved and sad at the same time. Disappointed, yet proud of my accomplishments.

Now that I know the answer to one of my biggest fears and dwell in sadness for a bit, is time to move on. FIU and UF recognized my potential, so its time to decide which one will give me the wings that my dreams have long waited for.

I'm confident that my future is still bright

I forgot to mention that thanks to my friend Miguel in Lima I was able to get some custom made anime posters for my room. From left to right: "Macross Frontier", "Love Hina" and "Gundam SEED Destiny".

One of the good things about my chances of staying in Miami is that, if I join FIU I can at least particpate in Yasumicon. This anime convention might be just what I need, since its being almost 2 years since the last time that I cosplayed (and I really wanna to that).

Pretty cool, aren't they? =D

I'm finally over with Miami-Dade College! I can't believe that it took me so long to earn an Associate in Arts degree here in Miami. In any case, I still have two more years to go... problem is now which university I will choose to continue my education XD. Virginia and Yuslin completed their University classes, and the only ones that are still behind are Pamela and me.

I got accepted to the "University of Florida" and to the "Florida International University". Sigh... I still remember those days when I was in High School, and along with my friends we use to joke about the idea of attending FIU. Guess life is full of surprises, isn't? XD

Regarding Columbia University and Geoergetown, the first one set up a phone interview with me on last friday and the other one finally send me a letter notifying me that I was in their "Waiting List". I'm not that happy with those results and, in the case of Georgetown, I'm still a little bit annoyed by the fact that they accepted Alejandro even though he is not that great of a student.

Nevertheless, I already spoke with some of my professors (including INR professor George Emerson) and some letters of recommendation are on their way to Washington DC. Let's see what happens, and in the case that I'm not accepted, I can always study in FIU.

Pardonne-moi, S'il vous plait.

Je n'ai pas pense quand je dit ces mots.

Mais, j'attendrai pour vous toujours.

Recently, I can see a river of tears every time that I look around, and the only thing that I can hear is the sound produced by the silence. Once again I am stuck in an never ending night that has become part of my personality, surrounded by people and yet overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness.

I have the feeling of falling into an endless sea of desperation... I can't get the idea that most of my dreams already faded away out of my head.

I'm concerned...

I'm exhausted...

Is that difficult to find the strenght to keep moving forward?

I need to rest...

I think I'm going trough a depression.

Well, it was a very interesting weekend. There are plenty of things that I really need to talk about with my friends, but I don't think they are willing to listen to me or to try to understand what's going on inside my head.

First things first. I spend the whole weekend in Orlando, along with my dad and my little brother Italo. It was a long trip of almost 3 and a half hours long, and we made it in time for the beginning of the Chess Tournament that was organized there. Italo participated and performed pretty well managing to earn 3 victories and 3 defeats. Even though neither my dad or me managed to be present in the tournament, his school did well enough to qualify for the nationals that are going to be held in Texas. =D

I'm proud of my little brother. He did pretty well for somebody that has just recently started to play this game. At least he had a great time with some of his friends, playing around and swimming in the Marriot Hotel. What can I say? I'm actually proud of both Alex and Italo. They are not only excellent students, but great persons that can listen to me regardless of the topic. I'm almost sure that my parents are even more proud of them.

Can't say the same thing about me. XD

The other thing that I want to talk about its about friendship. That little word can mean a lot to some people, and at least for me it truly does. That is why if I have a problem with a friend, it really bothers me. Even though many other friends listen to me and try to give me the best possible advice, I feel horrible to always rely on them.

Can true friendship exist if there is no honesty behind it? A simple question with not simple answer, and I am still waiting for a certain phone call to provide me with the answer...

Esta agua que corre en mis mejillas... ¿De donde es que salen estas lagrimas?

Creo que el dia de hoy, la unica forma en la que puedo expresar lo que siento es por medio del español. Y es que el dia de ayer fue un dia tan lleno de contradicciones y tristeza que aun me duele y entristesen.

¿Por que es que una persona tiene que tracionar el amor y la confianza de otra? Es algo que hasta el dia de hoy no tengo respuesta. Hasta el dia de ayer nunca habia pensado que alguien que conocia podia ser capaz de hacer una cosa como esa, pero termine siendo testigo de como el aprecio y respetose que tenia una amiga hacia una persona se convirtio en una descepcion y una pesadilla en cuestion de segundos.

Como humanos ¿Es que necesitamos dañar a alguien para sentirnos mejor? ¿Acaso el engañar a alguien con falsas promesas y/o mentiras nos ayuda en algo como persona?

No tengo respuesta para eso. Quizas nunca la tenga...

¿Que puedo hacer para entender? No mucho. No hay mucho que pensar realmente. Ahora mismo, tengo un problema con una de las amigas que mas aprecio en este mundo, y realmente no se como lidiar con esto. Estoy supuesto a ir a una clase con ella en 3 minutos... pero me duele pensar que nuestro trato cambiara en tan poco tiempo.

Quisiera que esos 3 minutos en los cuales todavia no hemos hablado, simplemente no exista la tristeza y la rabia que sentimos mutuamente ayer. Quisiera que en tan corto tiempo ella recuerde los buenos momentos que en los 5 años que nos conocemos sean mas fuertes que todas las peleas y discuciones que hemos tenido. Quisiera que en ese tiempo entienda que el silencio y la indiferencia no son la solucion a ningun problema.

Pero eso quizas solo termine en deseos. Acaban de pasar esos 3 minutos, y ya tengo que dirigirme a clase. Una clase en la que quizas se decida el futuro de nuestra amistad.

... Y es que los petalos de cerezo crecen juntos, mas al caer solamente continuaran alejandose el uno del otro.

Have you ever wondered why is that we will always refuse to grow up?

What is the meaning of reality? Does that means that everything that surrounds me and that I am capable to feel, hear, touch and see must fulfill a purpose in my life? But even our senses can be fooled.

Perhaps the only thing that I can define as "real" is just me?

I don't know... I don't want to know.

Because if they exist only for that reason, then a dream is not different from that reality.

It might just go away as soon as I wake up.

If there is such thing as happines, I believe I achieve it today. Not only I was able to talk with someone that I like a lot, but

Nevertheless, just by watching the rain falling from the sky was enough to bring back some memories.

It's difficult to explain. I just don't love her anymore

She appeared to me one day
surrounded in a cloud of mystery

Day and night, from sunrise to dawn
she's always at my side

Even if I'm surrounded by friends,
She is still around, whispering in my ear:

"Not because someone is nice to you, it means that they like you..."
"Not because you will not hurt someone, nobody will hurt you..."

"But why?" -I asked- "Doesn't always have to be like that..."

"In the same way that they can make you smile"
"Believe me, they can always make you cry"

I ask once again, but its always the same.
An endless silence, along with an empty reply

And then again, I realize the truth:

Its because that person is not real...
I only know her as Solitude.

I never though that applying to a University can be such a difficult process... I have only completed the application for one of them so far (Georgetown University in Washington DC) and its already giving me a couple of headaches. So far, I'm currently missing my high school transcript, the letter of the Dean of the Social Science Dept and requesting Professor Juan Clark another recommendation letter.

I think I should start explaining a little bit about my college statues so far. I'm changing my mayor to either Political Science or International Relations. I'm not so sure about the real difference between them, as I see them more or less close or fairly related (they both have to deal with politics, in one way or another). I would love to go to History, but unfortunately (and getting the advice from some professors from that field) is not something that would help me here in the US or in Peru. I have not mentioned this to my mother, but I'm almost sure she will agree with my decision. Who knows? I might have a future teaching either one of those topics in a Community College or University.

Leaving the topic of Universities and applications, I think that I should be more careful in my Political Philosophy class. The reason? because I might be alienating Professor Finks with my constant questioning to many of his statements in the class. Let's hope that he will not use my attendance record to actually hurt my grades in the class XD.... but I can't stand many of his political views. Did I mentioned that already? LOL.

Talking about REAL politics, I'm actually surprise by some of the most important current events taking place in the world: Castro's resignation and the independence of Kosovo. A couple of years ago, my opinion regarding those topics would be completely different from the ones that I currently have, partially because of my growth as a person and the constant flow of information that I receive every single day (yes, I am still a bookworm). But let's analise it each one of them more properly:

* I certainly do not agree with the independence of Kosovo, simply because allowing this province to seceded from Serbia would set a dangerous precedent in International Law. The fact that the albanians constitute a majority in that particular part of Serbia doesn't give them the right to establish their own "independent" government. Every country has (or have had) at some point its own separatist movement, and that is considerate an "Internal Affair". Even in the US we have a prime example of how a Central Government denied the possibility of peaceful secession: The Civil War. Kosovo has always being an integral part of Serbia, and it was only after WWII that the Serbs became a minority in that province. Europe and the Bush Administration have eroded the concept of Sovereignty in such a way that Quebec, Chechnya and Taiwan have being provided with a "Tool Kid" to achieve their independence... either by peace or war.

I hate to admit it, but this weekend was actually one of the most entertaining that I had have in the past few months. Even though I didn't manage to earn as much money, I spend it with my family and my friends... and there is nothing that can beat that. Where should I start?

Working with Professor Clark is always interesting, and after all this months working with him I have managed to understand a little bit more about certain stuff that goes around the different subcultures that are here in Miami... not to mention of course that I earn some extra money for helping him recollecting data for his incoming book.

On the same day, I think I have a potential buyer for the Corsica: apparently Virginia's brother needs a car, and his dad is willing to buy it. Of course, he will review it first and negotiating the price later. So far that's the best offer that someone has made for my car.

Saturday was filled with mixed feelings. For me, It was a complete break from the past and the beginning of a long journey towards the future. At the end of the day, Pamela, her boyfriend and me decided to spend some hours at some random beach in North Miami.

The clear dark sky, the bright pale moon and the sound produced by the waves reminded me that sometimes it is necessary to get away from everything in order to think clearly and find that inner peace that constantly eluded us. That mixture of tranquility and loneliness allowed me to review about my past, present and future.

Nothing is eternal. The stars are nothing more than sparks of light, illusions and remnants of celestial bodies that are no longer existing.